‘How DARE you speak to me like that?’
Have you said this to your child?
When children are rude to us it lights a touch paper and makes our blood boil.
How can someone so small have the audacity to speak to an adult like that – namely their parents?
Often we don’t see what happens in other people’s houses so we assume no one else’s children are behaving this way (they usually are).
If our child is are rude in front of others it is excruciating. Especially if it is in front of grandparents or other relations. Have you had that?
So what I mean by rude is that they;
Scream or shout in your face that they want something
Interrupt when you are trying to speak on the phone
Say ‘shut up’
Call you dumb or stupid
Use swear words
Demand that you give them what they want
Shout at you while banging your arm or leg
Tell you your food is disgusting
And all the time you are thinking – 'I’d never have spoken to my parents like that.'
Have you said that to your child and found it has no effect what-so-ever?
And we ask ourselves ‘How did I create such a monster?’
‘How do I command so little respect when I do so much for my children?’
So what is the answer?
Well, luckily enough I have some great suggestions for you.
I’ve made many mistakes with my children believe me, I’m not perfect and nor are they. I’m sure I’ve told you this before.
However, even though they might have had moments of rudeness it didn’t last and they were never consistently rude. Even as teenagers they’ve been pretty respectful and polite to us. I believe that’s because we approached it in the way I’m going to tell you about. It is really effective and has lasting results.
Here’s what we need to remember –
Children are impulsive and driven by emotions, they don’t press pause before they speak – especially with their parents
Parents are the easy target and they tend to be worse with us. If we don’t handle it well then they can start to be rude with other people too.
They are also sponges so if we are inclined to use sarcasm, shout at them when we reach the end of our tether or cut them off when they want to do or say something, we need to be very careful as we are their role model.
Even when they are pushing us to the limits we need to dig really deep and avoid shouting. I know it is really hard but it can be done.
If they hear us swearing or shouting they are much more likely to do it back to us.
If they don’t have their feelings validated they are much more likely to get wound up and use anger and aggression as outlets.
So here is what we can do:
Try some of these things out and tell me how you get on!
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