I talked in last week’s blog about the guilt we feel as parents.
What I didn’t mention is the tactic we so often use which is to try to make our kids feel guilt or shame. Wanting to make our kids feel bad for what they’ve done. We even want to make them cry to ensure they've understood how 'bad' they've been. I remember trying that when my kids were little.
We wind up saying things like:
‘You’ve made me cry’
‘No one will play with you if you act like that’
‘You’ve been so bad, I don’t want to be near to you’
‘No one else wears nappies in your class except you’
'Why can't you be nice like your brother'
We do this because we want our kids to take note and stop the behaviour. We want them to be mindful of others needs and feelings – especially ours.
But does it work?
I know that if I take action out of guilt or shame, it doesn’t feel good.
We want our children to KNOW how to make...