I felt a tap on the shoulder at school pick up
'Can I have a word Mrs McGill?'
My heart sank.
In these situations you know it can only be bad news and you immediately start to doubt your parenting abilities and blame yourself for whatever your child has got up to.
My son Nico's teacher told me he had been rude and spoken back to her when he was being reprimanded for 'bullying' a boy in his class.
I was mortified and really upset with Nico.
On the way home he refused to talk to me about it.
He was sullen and bolshy.
He pushed past me when we got to the front door.
He then refused to do his homework and picked on his siblings.
My patience was really being tried by this point until I remembered my mantra
‘Look behind the misbehaviour’
At bedtime I lay beside him on his bed whilst we stared into the darkness.
I breathed slowly and said simply
“It sounds like you feel blamed for something you didn’t mean to do…”
He started off with a rant...
One day on the way back from nursery when my daughter was little, I sensed something wasn't right. We stopped to sit on a park bench and her eyes welled up with tears.
'Nobody would play with me today, they said I was a baby and couldn't join in their games'.
I felt a terrible stab in my heart and an urge to run into my daughter's school and demand what was going on.
I wanted to shake the mean girls and tell them they needed to include Scarlett.
I felt like calling up the parents to 'have a word'
It is devastating to think of our children being in pain.
We want to 'make it all better'
To take the pain away.
But all my research told me that to build resilience in a child, we need to allow them to experience tough times and not rush to protect them.
If you haven't had this kind of experience, be prepared as it will happen.
If it isn't 'nobody wants to play with me' it could be:
'I wasn't invited to the party',
'I didn't get picked for the team',
'I'm in the bottom reading group',...