We are so programmed to think that when kids have done something wrong, they need a good telling off to make sure they don’t do it again.
Do you frequently find that even when you tell them off they repeat the same behaviour over and over again?
It is so common to think that if we don’t scold them then we aren’t doing our jobs as parents.
‘How will they ever learn?’ I get asked all the time or
‘I can’t let them get away with bad behaviour’
‘Surely I need to clamp down on bad behaviour?’
We definitely don’t want to disregard or turn a blind eye to behaviour isn’t acceptable but there are so many great ways that you can address it so that you keep a strong relationship with your child and get the behaviour you want to see.
So lets take a look at the kinds of things kids get up to:
Children will frequently:
Do you know the question I get asked the most:
'How can I stop my child being rude or demanding?'
Isn't this the most frustrating thing? Who wants to raise a little tyrant?
When they are rude it presses our buttons so much doesn't it?
We feel incompetent, like we've done a really bad job as a parent and we so often wind up shouting back something like 'How dare you be so rude to me?'
Does that work to change the behaviour?
Never has for me!
Want to know what really helps?...
Are you fed up with constantly feeling you have to entertain your child?
Hearing ‘I’m bored’ (usually said with a partularly whiny voice) gets every parent going.
Why can't she just leave me alone?
Then comes the guilt - Do I do enough?
Am I a good enough parent?
I was working with some clients this week and they had such a useful realisation. In fact they wrote to say
"Thank you so much for helping us to deal with our 3 year old’s mood swings, lack of focus and inability to play independently. It felt like everything we were doing was wrong. It was so helpful to get strategies to solve it. We can't believe how much happier and more creative he has been with his play since"
Want to know the secret?
Here’s how you can deal with the ‘I’m bored’ situation:
Does this sound familiar?
You: (Calm, nice voice) ‘Amy, go and get your shoes on, it’s time to go out’
Child: ‘No, I don’t want to, I’m busy’
You: (Still calm) ‘Come on darling or we will be late’
Child: ‘You can’t make me’
You: (Getting more irritated) ‘Don’t be rude Amy, it is time to leave NOW’
Child: ‘Go away, I said ‘Nooooooooo’
You: (Furious) ‘Just do as I say RIGHT NOW or else...’
Child: 'No I won't'
You: (Really furious) 'Right that’s it. No ipad for you for a whole week'
Oh dear, the battle has begun to get nasty and the problem is, no one will feel they’ve won.
I get so many parents coming to me for help with this issue. What do I say?
This isn’t to make you feel guilty.
I went so wrong myself that I want you to avoid the pitfalls.
Maybe you worry that you are never going to get there?
Have you heard so many horror stories that you are too scared to start?
Here’s the thing, if you get to grips with a few of the pitfalls then it can make the process much easier.
When you first learned to swim someone probably told you or your parents – ‘don’t jump in the deep end, don’t learn to swim in a choppy sea, learn from a patient teacher…'
Do you see where I’m going with this – getting things right from the start (or correcting if you've gone wrong) helps get you on the right track.
So here are the 10 most common reasons things go wrong: