Have you hit the wall with Potty Training? Why traditional methods can fail

Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and moments of confusion.

One of the most perplexing challenges many parents face is navigating their toddler's transition from nappies to using the toilet independently.

While it's a milestone to celebrate, it can also be a source of huge amounts of stress and frustration for parents.

One particular connundrum is when toddlers withhold their poo, or refuse to use the toilet.

In this blog, we'll explore why this behaviour occurs, why typical persuasion methods fail, and offer practical solutions for parents.

1. Fear or Anxiety

Toddlers, like adults, can experience fear or anxiety, especially when it comes to unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations.

Fear of using the toilet, perhaps due to a past negative experience or association with discomfort, can lead toddlers to withhold their poo. 

Solution: Although there’s rarely a quick fix solution, try this: Stay calm and validate how they feel “When you need to do a poo, you feel scared so you clench your bottom and hold it in even though that’s painful too” – Just feeling heard and understood can help.

2. Seeking Control:

Toddlers are discovering their autonomy and may demand a nappy to poo in (for example) as a way to assert control over their bodies. Or they might refuse to use the potty when they clearly need to. This allows them to maintain a sense of control.

Solution: Offer choices and empower your child in the toilet training process. Avoid power struggles by providing gentle guidance rather than coercion. If you use a potty, let them choose where you put it. For pooing in a nappy, don’t fight it, but you could have a requirement that they only get to do that in the bathroom.

3. Physical Discomfort or Constipation:

Constipation or other physical discomforts can make passing stool painful or uncomfortable for toddlers. In response, they may withhold their poo to avoid the discomfort associated with using the toilet.

Solution: Ensure your child's diet includes plenty of fiber-rich foods and fluids to prevent constipation. Offer comfort measures such as warm baths or gentle tummy massages to ease discomfort. Give them extra olive or coconut oil on their food as this can help too.

4. Sensory Sensitivity:

Some toddlers may have sensory sensitivities that make the sensation of using the toilet unpleasant or overwhelming. The unfamiliar feeling of sitting on a toilet seat or the sound of flushing may trigger anxiety or discomfort.

Solution: Gradually introduce your child to the sensations associated with using the toilet. Start with sitting fully clothed on the toilet seat, then progress to sitting without clothes, and finally encourage them to use the toilet when they feel ready.

5. Behaviour that Gets Attention:

Toddlers thrive on attention, even if it's negative attention. Refusing to use the toilet or withholding poo can be a way for them to gain attention or control the situation.

Solution: Avoid making a big deal out of toilet-related behaviours. Offer positive reinforcement when they make progress, but avoid overreacting to setbacks.

Conclusion:

Navigating potty training challenges with toddlers can be a rollercoaster ride for parents.

Traditional persuasion methods often fall short because they fail to address the underlying reasons behind the behaviour.

By understanding the potential causes of poo withholding and offering tailored solutions, parents can support their child's journey towards toilet independence with patience and empathy.

 How can you get support?

If you're struggling with potty training issues with your toddler, reaching out for guidance and support can make all the difference. As a parenting coach with years of experience, I offer compassionate and evidence-based strategies to help parents navigate this challenging phase with confidence and ease.

Remember, every child is unique, and progress may take time. With consistency, patience, and understanding, you'll soon celebrate another milestone in your child's development journey.

If you want some help, book a free discovery call 

And grab my free guide 'Why Won't My Child Poo on the Potty'