How to stop sibling fights without getting involved

Tired of constant sibling fights? Whether your kids are bickering in the car, fighting over toys, or arguing at bath time, sibling rivalry can be exhausting. In this episode, parenting coach Camilla McGill shares practical, peaceful parenting tools to help you stop refereeing every conflict and start guiding your children with empathy. Learn how to resolve sibling conflict, reduce arguments, and build stronger sibling bonds—without shouting or taking sides.
Parenting coach Camilla McGill shares 4 clear, practical strategies for resolving sibling fights to help you stay calm, avoid taking sides, and guide your children to work things out for themselves.
These tools will help you bring more peace to your home while building empathy, cooperation, and lasting sibling connection.

The 4 Key Strategies
✅ Shift Your Role – Become the calm coach, not the referee

✅ Stay Neutral and Lead the Repair – Guide your children forward without needing to know every detail

✅ Set the Stage for Success – Prevent predictable squabbles by planning ahead

✅ Spotlight the Good Stuff – Catch the kindness and build more connection

🔗 Recommended in This Episode
🎓 Sibling Rivalry Resolved – On-Demand Workshop & Manual 

💬 Let’s Connect
Book a free discovery call to talk to Camilla 

Follow Camilla on Instagram → @myparentingsolutions

Includes real-life examples, scripts, and a 16-page downloadable guide to reduce fighting and build sibling harmony.

⏱️ Episode Timestamps
00:00 Handling Sibling Fights: Why this matters so much

01:00 Meet Camilla McGill – Parenting coach and mum of four

01:25 Question of the Week: “My daughter is always mean to her little brother…”

01:55 ✅ Strategy 1: Shift from Referee to Coach

04:18 ✅ Strategy 2: Stay Neutral and Lead the Repair

07:15 ✅ Strategy 3: Set the Stage for Success

09:38 ✅ Strategy 4: Spotlight the Good Stuff

11:20 Revisit the Listener Question

12:37 Final Thoughts + Recap

13:15 Additional Resources & Closing

Episode Transcript

How to Handle Sibling Fights Without Having To Take Sides

Now, if you’re anything like most parents, the sound of your children fighting—whether it’s bickering in the car, snatching toys, or full-on screaming—can completely derail you.
It’s not just the noise. It’s the emotional weight behind it. That feeling of: “Here we go again…” And the pressure to fix it fast. So, naturally, we jump in. We referee. We try to figure out who started it, what happened, and how to end it—immediately.
So in todays episode ‘How to handle sibling fights without taking sides I’m going to share this with you: there’s a different way. One that takes us out of the middle and gives our children skills they’ll use for life.
I’ll be walking you through four practical strategies to move away from being the referee and step into a much more powerful role—the calm, confident coach. But first…
And before we dive in, here’s our Question of the Week, which I’ll come back to at the end of the episode:
“My 5-year-old daughter is constantly being mean to her little brother—she grabs things from him, says he’s not allowed to play with her, and refuses to share. I’ve tried telling her to be kind, but it’s like she doesn’t care. What can I do?”
It’s a brilliant question—and we’ll come back to it after these strategies.

1. Shift our Role – From Referee to Coach
When our children fight, our first instinct is to jump in, sort it out, and get them quiet. It’s understandable—we’re tired, stretched, and maybe even worried about how this behaviour looks or what it says about us as parents.
But when we play referee, we often end up in a constant loop. Sorting out every squabble, choosing who’s right, and who’s wrong. Leaving one kid feeling uneasy knowing that most likely both were at fault and one feeling aggrieved for being blamed. And then the next one flares up.
So we shift the role—from fixer to coach.
A coach doesn’t take sides. A coach helps people learn. That means staying calm, using empathy, and holding boundaries without blame. But nor does a coach check out entirely saying ‘Sort it out yourselves’
Let’s say one child hits the other. Instead of, “Stop it! Why are you being so nasty?”, try this:
“Wow, to hit your brother shows me how frustrated you are. I’m not going to allow hitting, so I’m going to separate you for now.”
This is powerful. You’re connecting to their emotion and clearly setting a limit.
Your children won’t learn kindness from being blamed. They’ll learn it from being shown what respect and emotional regulation look like—by you. So lets move on to strategy 2

2. Stay Neutral and Lead the Repair
Now, one of the most common responses I hear from parents is, “But i need to find out what happened!” and here’s the thing—asking that can quickly backfire.
It pulls you straight into the blame game. And let’s be honest: even if they each tell you their version, you often still can’t tell what really went on. When emotions are high, kids will want to focus on blame ‘i was playing with it and he took it’ ‘No I didn’t you’d stopped playing and anyway you had it yesterday’
Instead, we can stay neutral and focus on guiding them through problem solving.
You might say:
“You both seem really upset. Something didn’t feel fair.”
“Anna looks like you had a toy that Freddie wanted and you didn’t want to give it to him’ .”
You’re not deciding who’s right—you’re showing them how to move forward. Then you can say:
“What might be a solution here?”
“What would feel fair to both of you right now?”
You’re giving them a chance to solve problems with you—not through you.

“That was tricky, but you worked it out. You listened and found a way through it. Well done.”
One stay neutral strategy I used when my kids were little was to have a ‘squabbling place’ so the minute a squabble started, I’d guide them there and ask them to tell me what solution they had come to, sometimes If they were stuck I’d say ‘I have an idea for a solution if you want to hear?’ If this sounds great but you need more and want to dive deeper, grab my pre-recorded workshop Sibling Rivalry Resolved, how to have harmony at home see the show notes . So next up is strategy 3

3. Set the Stage for Success
So often, the arguments are completely predictable: who gets the red plate, who sits next to Mum, who goes first in the bath.
I had a client family recently who were completely dreading bath time. It had become the scene of nightly arguments—about who got in first, who pulled the plug, who got the blue boat.
We looked together at what was happening before the bath even started. And Dad said he’d usually say, “Who’s going to get upstairs first?”—trying to move things along.
But actually, that question set the tone for competition. It created a winner and a loser before they’d even reached the bathroom.
So I suggested a really simple shift: make them a team. He now says, “Let’s see how fast you can both get up there together. I’ll time you!”
It transformed the energy from me vs. you into us together. And bath time became playful again.
There are so many small things we can do to set up success:
Rotate who sits where in the car.

Decide together who gets in the bath first before it starts.

Even ask:

“Whose turn is it tonight?”
“And how do you think your brother will feel about that?”
That second question is key. It gently invites empathy. You’re not lecturing—you’re guiding them to think about someone else’s experience.
And for those struggles around getting out of the bath, I suggest using visual cues or timers. “When this song finishes, it’ll be time to get out.”
Or give them roles:
“Tonight you can be the plug-puller, and tomorrow it’s your sister’s turn.”
Small rituals like this give structure, predictability, and reduce the drama.

4. Spotlight the Good Stuff
It’s easy to notice what’s going wrong. The shouting, the grabbing, the chaos—it’s loud and immediate.
But those quiet moments of connection? They’re just as important—and they need our attention.
So when we see our children getting along—even just for a moment—name it:
“I loved hearing you laugh together while you played that game.”
“You figured out how to take turns without needing me—amazing.”
And if sibling connection feels hard to come by, create small opportunities:
Draw a card together for grandma.

Build something with blocks.

Have them plan a snack shop or a treasure hunt.

These shared goals help them experience being on the same side.
And remember—you get more of what you focus on. When we train our brains to notice connection, we shift the whole energy of the home.

Back to Our Question of the Week
So, let’s return to the question from earlier:
“My 5-year-old daughter is constantly being mean to her little brother—she grabs things, says he can’t play with her, and refuses to share. I’ve tried telling her to be kind, but it’s like she doesn’t care. What can I do?”
This is so common. And what I’d say is—it’s not that she doesn’t care. It’s that she’s expressing big feelings in the only way she currently knows how.
So rather than correcting the behaviour right away, we start with empathy:
“You want to play by yourself right now. It’s hard when your brother comes in and touches your things.”
Then model the boundary:
“You can say, ‘I’m not ready to play yet.’ I’ll help him find something else to do.”
And consider how she’s doing emotionally. Is she needing more one-to-one time with you? Just ten minutes where she chooses the activity and has your full presence? That kind of focused connection can make a world of difference.

Final Thoughts
So let’s quickly recap:
Shift Your Role – Choose to coach, not referee.

Stay Neutral – You don’t need all the facts to help repair the moment.

Set the Stage – A little prep stops the same fights from repeating.

Spotlight the Good – Catch and create moments of connection.

We don’t need to stop all sibling fights. But with these strategies, we feel more in control, more compassionate—and our children will learn how to manage conflict in a way that strengthens their bond over time.

Want More Support?
If sibling conflict is leaving you drained and unsure what to say next, take a look at my pre-recorded workshop Sibling Rivalry Resolved.
It’s full of practical tools, real-life examples, and a 16-page manual that gives you scripts, insights, and a clear plan to reduce the fighting and increase the harmony.
You’ll find the link in the show notes.
Thanks so much for listening. Please rate and review the podcast, and share it with a friend who you think will enjoy it. I’ll see you next time on Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries.