Why Your Child Falls Apart at Celebrations (And Two Things That Actually Help)

You've been looking forward to it for weeks. The party. The family gathering. The big occasion.

You've planned it, prepared for it, maybe even talked it up to the kids.

And then somewhere in the middle of it, everything unravels.

A meltdown. Tears. Grabbing. A refusal to share. A child who seemed perfectly happy five minutes ago now throwing themselves on the floor.

Sound familiar?

Big occasions - parties, family gatherings, holidays, egg hunts - bring a potent mix of excitement, overstimulation and unmet expectations.

For children, that combination can be genuinely overwhelming. And for parents, it can feel like no matter how hard you try, something always goes wrong.

It doesn't have to be that way.

I want to share a quick story, and then two practical tips that I hope will make your next celebration a little easier.

The Easter egg thief

I got back from the supermarket recently and, honestly, I felt for every parent in there.

Easter eggs everywhere. At eye level, at the checkout, at the end of every aisle.

If you've got kids with you, good luck getting out without a negotiation.

It got me thinking about Easter when I was little.

Do you remember that excitement? The wondering whether the Easter Bunny would actually come?

One year, when I was about 5, he did - and he brought the most adorable little eggs. I carefully rationed mine, keeping my stash under the bed so I could have one a day.

(I know, I know. Unusual child 🤪.)

Imagine my devastation when I went to retrieve one and found they were all gone.

My older brother had eaten the lot.

Mum told him off, but it was too late. And what stayed with me, even more than losing the chocolate, was the feeling that nobody really understood how gutted I was.

I'm an adult now and I can laugh about it (though I'm not entirely sure I've ever forgiven him), but I still remember that pain vividly.

Which makes me think: your child might be about to feel something very similar.

So here are two things that might help.

Tip #1: Let them know what to expect

Children handle the combination of excitement and disappointment so much better when they're not caught off guard.

Before any big event - whether you're visiting relatives, going to an egg hunt, heading to a party or hosting one yourself - take a few minutes to walk them through what's going to happen.

Who will be there.

What the plan is.

How long you'll be staying.

What happens at the end.

If you'd like more on navigating tricky family dynamics, I talked about this on BBC Woman's Hour and I think you'd find it really helpful - here it is

You can even sketch it out in a simple sequence of pictures for younger children. It sounds simple, but it is genuinely powerful.

When children know what's coming, they feel safer. And when they feel safer, they cope better.

This is something we come back to again and again in my Parenting With Love & Boundaries group, because parents are often surprised by how much of a difference a little preparation makes. Not just at Easter or Christmas, but across all kinds of situations that tend to go sideways.

Tip #2: Meet their emotions where they are

Big occasions bring big feelings. And children are not always equipped to manage them gracefully.

Honestly, adults aren't always either.

You might see grabbing. Refusing to share. Whining. Impatience. A meltdown that seems to come out of nowhere over something that seems tiny to you.

This is normal. It really is.

It doesn't mean you're raising a difficult child, and it doesn't mean you can't gently work on things like impulse control and sharing over time. But in the moment, the most important thing you can do is not expect reason to land in the middle of a storm.

When your child is in the thick of a big emotion, they literally cannot process what you're saying. Their nervous system is flooded. Explanations, logic and consequences will not get through.

What does help is staying close, staying calm, and murmuring something simple:

"I know… you're finding this really hard… I'm here."

That's it. No lecture. No fixing. Just presence.

Wait until they've calmed down before you try to talk things through. You'll be amazed at how much more receptive they are once the storm has passed.

A final thought

The goal at any big celebration isn't a perfectly behaved child.

It's a child who feels seen — even when things don't go the way they hoped.

My mum couldn't get my eggs back. But if she'd sat with me and really acknowledged how sad I was, I think that would have meant everything.

That's what I hope you can give your child. Not perfection. Just presence.

Camilla

If this resonated with you, I'd love for you to join the priority waitlist for my Parenting With Love & Boundaries group, where we talk about exactly this kind of thing every week. You can sign up here.