Can You Take a Break from Your Kids Without the Guilt?

In this powerful BBC Radio 4 Woman’s Hour episode,  the second time parenting coach Camilla McGill has been a guest, she joins Frankie Bridge to talk about the pressure parents face when taking time away from their kids.

Camilla shares:

• How to manage feelings of guilt
• How to prepare your child emotionally so they feel secure while you’re gone. 
• Why your absence builds your child's resilience

A must-listen for every tired parent.

What I Shared on Woman’s Hour About Parental Guilt, Resilience and Healthy Boundaries

I joined Radio 4 Woman's Hour to discuss a topic that touches almost every parent I work with: guilt.

The conversation began after singer and presenter Frankie Bridge spoke about taking a short birthday break with friends and being criticised online for it. The comments branded her selfish. A bad mother. A bad wife.

All for going away for a few days.

As I listened, my first thought was simple.

Why should we have to justify it?

The Double Standard We Rarely Name

One of the most striking parts of the discussion was the comparison with fathers.

Frankie shared that when her husband went skiing, no one questioned it. No one asked how she felt about him being away.

Now, I’m not in the business of men bashing. Many of the fathers I work with are deeply involved and actively encourage their partners to take time for themselves.

But culturally, there is still a pattern.

Men often step away more easily.
Women prepare. Organise. Pre-empt. Explain. Feel guilty.

We make the lists.
We overthink the impact.
We emotionally brace ourselves.

And then even when we do take time away, we carry the guilt with us.

Why Time Away Is Not Harmful

On air, I said something that sometimes surprises people.

I believe it is important for children to have some time away from us.

That does not mean they will not feel sad.
It does not mean they will not miss us.

It means they get to practise coping.

Children are designed to be egocentric in early life. That is how they ensure their needs are met. But if we are always there, meeting every need instantly, they do not build the belief that they can tolerate discomfort.

Manageable separation builds resilience.

When we say, “I’m going away. You might feel sad. You may miss me. And you’re going to cope,” we are communicating trust in their capacity.

That is not abandonment.
That is belief.

And beyond resilience, there is modelling.

It is incredibly important for girls and boys to see that their mother has needs, friendships, work, rest and space.

Love does not require self-erasure.

What To Do With The Guilt

I was asked whether parents should simply push through guilt.

With any emotion, squashing it down rarely works. Guilt tells us something matters to us.

But feeling guilt does not mean we have made the wrong decision.

You can acknowledge the feeling and still go.

You can feel uncomfortable and still know it is healthy.

Guilt and growth often sit side by side.

Sometimes what we need is perspective.

On the programme, I mentioned a story shared by Sheryl Sandberg, author of Lean In. She once realised her child had forgotten to wear green on “green shirt day” at school. She felt terrible and called her husband, convinced she had let her child down.

His response was simple.

“He’ll get over it.”

Not dismissive. Not uncaring. Just perspective.

Children are far more robust than we often imagine.

How To Prepare Your Children If You’re Taking Time Away

If you are planning a holiday, work trip, weekend away or even just an evening out, here are some practical suggestions:

1. Tell them well in advance

Do not spring it on them at the last minute to avoid upset. Children cope better when they have time to process.

2. Prepare them emotionally, not just practically

Name what might come up.
“You might feel sad.”
“You might miss me.”
“That’s completely normal.”

3. Leave small connection points

A note on their pillow. A little surprise to find. Something tangible that says, “I’m thinking of you.”

4. Do not over-contact

A warm check-in can help. Endless reassurance can accidentally communicate that they are not coping.

5. Reconnect intentionally

When you return, make space to listen. Hear their stories. Re-establish rhythm.

This is not about disappearing. It is about temporary separation within secure connection.

You Are Allowed To Have Needs

It saddens me that mothers feel they must justify rest.

You do not need to earn a break by being exhausted enough.

You do not need to apologise for having needs.

You are allowed to take time away.
And your children are allowed to cope.

Both can be true.

Listen to the Woman’s Hour conversation above