But I said 'NO!', how to hold the boundary without losing it

You say no — and your child loses it. The whining, pleading, and full-on meltdown begins. Why is it so hard to hold boundaries without shouting or giving in?

In this episode, parenting coach Camilla McGill shares exactly how to set calm, kind, effective boundaries with toddlers and young kids — even when they test you at every turn.

✅ How to hold the boundary with warmth
✅ Why over-explaining makes things worse
✅ What to do when your child melts down in public
✅ Tools for handling guilt, pressure, and pushback
✅ Real stories from Camilla’s coaching sessions and her own parenting life

Whether you’re struggling with bedtime, screen time, or public meltdowns, this episode will help you say no and stay connected.

🎁 Download my free guide:
How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Nagging or Shouting
👉 www.myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten

💬 Book a free discovery call:
👉 www.myparentingsolutions.com/CHAT

⏱️ Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:24 Why boundaries are important
01:57 The Coco Pops supermarket moment
02:48 ✅ Tool 1: Hold the line with warmth
06:10 ✅ Tool 2: Don’t explain on repeat
09:08 ✅ Tool 3: Stay steady in the storm
13:05 Wrap-up & next steps

Transcript:

“But I Said No!” – How to Hold Boundaries Without Losing It

You say no. Calmly, clearly. And your child? They push. They plead. They scream.

You hold the boundary... until you can’t anymore. Suddenly, you find yourself shouting, bargaining, or giving in. And thinking: Why is this so hard?

That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode: But I Said No! – How to Hold Boundaries Without Losing It. We're looking at why it’s so hard to hold boundaries , and how we can do it in a way that’s calm, clear, and kind.

We all want to raise kind, respectful, resilient kids , but when we set boundaries, they often test them. Then we get tired, impatient, we check out , and we can so often talk ourselves out of holding firm, saying 'anything for a quiet life.' Without the right tools, we often end up doing things we regret , buying the expensive game, letting them watch the movie that ends too late, giving sweets when we don't want to.

What we really need is a way to hold limits that feels emotionally grounded for us and helps our children feel safe.

So if this sounds familiar, then make sure you keep listening to today's episode. But first...

I'm kicking off with a real question that came in from Jessica, mum to two young kids:

"What do you do when you're in the supermarket and your child is begging you for Coco Pops? Mine says 'Everyone else has Coco Pops for breakfast, you're such a bad mum' , and I feel so guilty saying no, but I really don't want to buy them."

We’ll come back to Jessica's question later. For now, let’s look at three tools that help us hold boundaries without losing it.

✅ 1. Hold the line with warmth

This isn’t about being harsh or cold. It’s about showing our child that we’re lovingly in charge.

We can say no and stay connected. That might sound like:

“You really wanted another biscuit. I get that. And we’re not having more right now.”

Resist the temptation to give long explanations , they really can't hear them, especially when they're emotionally dysregulated.

We’re acknowledging the feeling while calmly holding the boundary. We’re saying, "I heard and understood you , I don’t have to agree with you. I care. And the answer is still no."

I remember a moment with my daughter Alice, who was about four. We were in the park on a hot day and she insisted on having a mint ice cream. Now, I knew she didn’t usually like mint, so I gently said, "Are you sure? You normally choose chocolate."

She snapped: "Stop telling me what to do!"

I zipped my lip, checked once more, and let her choose.

She took one lick and said, "It’s horrible. I want a chocolate one instead."

Now, I could have said yes. But this was part of a pattern. I chose to hold the boundary.

“I know you don’t like it, and that’s hard. We’re not getting another one today.”

She cried. She threw the ice cream on the ground. She stamped her feet. And yes, I said, "Well, I did tell you so" , side note, as my husband says: nobody likes smug righteousness!

But I also said:

"It’s hard when we think we’re going to like something and it turns out we don’t. We wish we could go back and choose differently."

It was difficult, but powerful. I was fortunate enough to have the tools to know how to build my children’s resilience through the hard moments , not by rescuing them from discomfort.

These are the moments that grow trust. Because our children learn: “You’re not going to change the rule just because I’m upset. But you will stay close while I feel what I feel.”

✅ 2. Don’t explain on repeat

When we explain our decision over and over, it feels like we’re being reasonable. But to our child, it sounds like: “Keep negotiating. This might still be up for discussion.”

Instead, we offer one calm, clear explanation and then stop.

“We’re not buying toys today. That’s the rule.”

And if we’re tired of repeating ourselves or shouting to be heard, my free guide will really help: How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Nagging or Shouting.
👉 www.myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten

Our tone does the heavy lifting. No need to justify again. Repeating ourselves invites debate and undermines our leadership.

Rachel, a client I worked with, had been letting her daughter Sophie use the iPad at bedtime. It helped while Rachel put the younger sibling to bed. But taking it away? Always a battle. And then Sophie started waking in the night, needing it to fall asleep again.

Rachel and her husband were exhausted. Together, we made a plan:

• Let Sophie know three days ahead that the routine was changing.
• Involve her in choosing alternative calming activities.

And they followed through.

The next week, Rachel said, “We’ve done five nights without the iPad. Sophie hasn’t even asked for it.”

She was calmer, enjoying books, and sleeping better.

When we stop over-explaining, we let the boundary speak for itself. And we give our child the space to adjust, without the pressure of persuasion.

If we’re struggling with bedtime, screen time, or anything else that’s draining us, I offer free discovery calls so we can chat and see if I can support you.
👉 www.myparentingsolutions.com/chat

✅ 3. Stay steady in the storm

This might be the hardest one. Because when our child is losing it, it often triggers something in us , old wounds, exhaustion, or just that feeling of being disrespected.

The key is to pause and ground ourselves before we respond.

We can breathe. Feel our feet on the floor. Remind ourselves:

“This is their job , to test the boundary. My job is to stay steady.”

Staying calm isn’t just about avoiding an argument. It’s about modelling emotional regulation.

And when we do snap , because we will , we come back, we repair, and we show what it means to take responsibility.

Let’s say it’s bedtime. Teeth brushed. Stories read. And then: “I’m still hungry.”

We’ve already said no to snacks.

“I know it’s hard when your tummy wants food and the kitchen is closed. Then switch to a question: What would you like for breakfast?”

That’s it. No lecture. No bribe. Just calm clarity.

You might be thinking: “You don’t know how long my child can go on for.” I promise , I do. My clients tell me this all the time.

So many parents have postponed getting in touch because they feel they're the worst. If this is you , you are absolutely not.

Sometimes our calm presence is more powerful than any logic or consequence.

✅ Back to the supermarket...

We’ve said no to Coco Pops. Our child is shouting: “You’re a bad mummy!”

What can we do?

Let’s breathe. Acknowledge: “You really want them. But we’re not getting them today.” Set a limit: “It’s okay to be upset. But I won’t let you speak to me like that.”

How we respond in those moments matters. We’re not trying to win , we’re modelling how to stay calm and kind, even under pressure.

✅ What to remember when we wobble

We will wobble. We’ll give in. We’ll snap. We’ll over-explain.

But each moment is a chance to come back. To model repair. To reset.

We don’t need to get it right every time. We just need to keep showing up, with warmth and steady leadership.

When we hold a boundary and hold our child's emotion, we teach them how to handle frustration and bounce back. We’re not aiming for perfection. We’re aiming to show up with love and firmness , and come back with connection when things go off course.

If this episode helped, please do check out my free guide: How to Get Your Child to Listen Without Nagging or Shouting
👉 www.myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten

And if you’d love support tailored to your family, book a free discovery call with me:
👉 www.myparentingsolutions.com/chat

🎧 Episode Wrap-Up:

So next time we hear, “But I said no!” echoing through our kitchen, playground or supermarket aisle, we can pause, take a breath, and know we have a way through it. Holding boundaries is never easy, but it’s one of the most loving things we can do.

We’re helping our children feel safe within limits. We’re building trust. And we’re laying the foundation for resilience , in them and in us.

And maybe, even after listening to this episode, you’re thinking , I get this in theory, but in the moment, it still all goes out the window. That’s totally normal. Because knowing what to do isn’t the same as having the support to actually do it consistently.

If you want more calm, confidence and connection in your day-to-day family life, the next step might be getting some support for how to apply this with your child’s unique personality, your family’s needs, and your real-life challenges.

That’s where I come in. So:

👉 Book a free discovery call to talk about what support might look like for you:
www.myparentingsolutions.com/chat

Remember , if we keep doing what we’ve always done, we’ll likely stay stuck in the same cycles. But small changes , with the right support , can lead to huge shifts at home.

Thanks for listening. Be sure to hit follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode , and please tell your friends to listen too. Send them the link!

See you next time.