Why do the simplest moments with kids — like putting on a coat — sometimes explode into shouting, tears, and slammed doors?

Why do even the most loving parents find themselves saying things they swore they'd never say?

In this powerful conversation, parenting coach Camilla McGill shares the three biggest mistakes parents unknowingly make — and, more importantly, how small shifts can completely transform the connection with a child.

Listeners will hear a real-life "messy moment" that every parent will recognise and walk away with practical tools to:
✨ Stay calm under pressure
✨ Guide instead of control
✨ Focus on building long-term resilience — not just short-term obedience

If anyone has ever walked away from an argument with their child thinking, "Why did it go that way?" — this episode offers the insight and reassurance they need.

This is not about raising perfect kids or being a perfect parent this is about  giving you the tools to respond in a different way.

✨ Ready to shift the tone in your home? Grab Camilla’s free guide: https://www.myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten

📩 Or book a free discovery call if you want personalised support.

🎧 If this episode helped, please share it with a friend or your child’s caregiver. Let’s spread the message of love and boundaries!

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries

00:04 Why we make mistakes

00:51 Introducing the Question of the Week: Handling Frustration

02:12 Mistake #1: Controlling Instead of Guiding

06:54 Mistake #2: Reacting Emotionally Instead of Responding Calmly

10:37 Mistake #3: Focusing on Short-Term Obedience

13:56 Reply to Question of the Week: "How can I get my child to put their coat on?"

14:45 Summary and Recap

Transcript

Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries

The Three Biggest Mistakes Parents Make — and How to Shift Them

📍 Welcome & Introduction

Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries.
Today, I'm going to talk about something that can feel quite uncomfortable — but it really is important — the three biggest mistakes parents make and how to shift them.

I say this with absolute compassion because every parent makes these mistakes.
I've made them myself.

We make them, not because we are bad parents, but because we love our children so much, and because we're human. None of us were taught how to be parents, and our kids — with their own temperaments and personalities — didn't come with a manual!

When you understand why these mistakes happen and see them with kindness, it becomes so much easier to change. That change can really transform your relationship with your child.

📍 Question of the Week

Before we dive in, I want to share the question of the week from a parent:

“My child didn't want to put her coat on. It was cold outside and I wanted her to wear it. I got really frustrated when she refused and I screamed at her, ‘Why can't you ever do something that I ask you to do?’ She yelled back, ‘I hate you!’ and ran off. It was messy. What should I have done?”

Hands up if you've ever had a moment like that... I absolutely know I have!

I’ll come back to this question at the end because it’s such a powerful example of the three mistakes we’re going to explore today.

📍 Quick Intro

As a parent, you know it's important to have clear boundaries, but you also want to be caring and compassionate.

I'm Camilla McGill, a seasoned parenting coach and mum of four. I’m excited to give you the principles, tools, and inspiration you need to raise amazing kids.

Mistake 1: Trying to Control Instead of Guide

As parents, we feel a huge weight of responsibility.
We want to keep our children safe, help them do well, be liked, succeed, and have an easier life.

Underneath that drive to control is usually fear:

• Fear they'll fail ("If they're not reading yet, will they get held back in school?")

• Fear they'll get hurt or things will get damaged.

• Fear it will reflect badly on us ("What if they're badly dressed? Will people think I don't care?")

• Fear they'll suffer ("If they're not sporty, will they get teased?")

So, we step in, micromanage, and over-direct because it feels safer.

But here’s what happens:

• Some kids push back — they resist, argue, ignore, or have meltdowns.

• Other kids comply outwardly but lose confidence in themselves and doubt their ability to make decisions.

Dr. Dan Siegel says:
"Where we focus on control, we lose the opportunity for connection."

When children feel connected, they want to work with us, not against us.

Real-life examples:

• You tell your 7-year-old exactly how to do their homework, and they push the book away and say no.

• You insist your 4-year-old puts on their shoes now — they dig their heels in and scream "No."

• You constantly remind your child how to play properly at the playground, and they run off or do the opposite.

Dr. Laura Markham says:
"The more you push, the more they push back."

The Shift:

Think of yourself not as a boss but as a coach or guide.
For example:
"How do you want to get dressed? Under the covers or sitting on your bed? What works best for you?"

We aren’t giving them complete choice, but we’re not controlling every move either.
This builds ownership, trust, and helps them feel capable.

Mistake 2: Reacting Emotionally Instead of Responding Calmly

Parenting can feel incredibly personal.
When children talk back, refuse, whine, or are rude, it can hit something deep inside us.

I recommend listening back to my episode with Bonnie Harris (published 21st February 2025) to learn more about this.

When they refuse to cooperate, we might feel:

• Disrespected

• Unappreciated

• Powerless

• Embarrassed (especially in public)

Often, our strong reactions come from childhood:

Maybe when you were a child, backtalk wasn’t tolerated.
Or maybe you were most accepted when you were "good," so when your child misbehaves, it feels like failure or rejection.

But your child is simply struggling with big feelings.
Reacting emotionally often escalates things.

Real-life examples:

• Your 5-year-old whines "You're so mean!" — you snap back, "Don't you dare speak to me like that!"

• Your 7-year-old refuses to clear their plate — you sharply say, "Fine, no pudding."

• Your 3-year-old throws their puzzle — you immediately yell, "That’s it! Time-out!"

The Shift:

Pause. Even 5 seconds can stop that automatic reaction.

Say things like:

• "You're upset. I hear you. We'll talk when you’re calm."

• "Wow, throwing that puzzle shows you're frustrated. When you're calmer, you can pick up the pieces."

• "Plates need clearing before pudding. When you're ready, I'm happy to give you your ice cream."

Become the calm in their storm — that’s what helps them learn self-regulation.

Mistake 3: Focusing on Short-Term Obedience Instead of Long-Term Growth

In busy family life, we often just want quick compliance:

• "Put your shoes on now."

• "Get in the car."

• "Tidy your toys."

But when we only aim for obedience, we miss teaching skills like:

• Self-discipline

• Problem-solving

• Emotional regulation

Real-life examples:

• Your 6-year-old refuses to put away their toys — you threaten to bin them. They clean up but feel angry and resentful.

• Your 5-year-old spills a drink at a friend's house — you scold them out of embarrassment. They feel ashamed but don't learn how to handle mistakes calmly.

The Shift:

Ask yourself:
"Am I focusing on just this moment or teaching for the long term?"

Instead of demanding immediate obedience, we can coach and connect:

• "I know it’s hard to stop playing. Let’s work out a system together for tidying up."

• "Spilling happens. What could we do next time to prevent it?"

Short term, it may be slower.
Long term, it’s transformational.

📍 Reminder

If you'd like more help avoiding nagging, shouting, or threatening, grab my free guide at myparentingsolutions.com/justlisten.

📍 Answer to the Question of the Week

If this happened to you, you’re not alone. These moments are messy and emotional for every parent.

This situation was about trying to control out of love and concern.
When the child resisted, it triggered emotions — frustration and powerlessness — and then escalated into shouting.

In the moment:

Pause, even though it’s hard.
Say something like:

• "I hear you don’t want to wear your coat. I’ll bring it in case you feel cold later."

• Or offer a choice: "Would you like to carry your coat yourself or put it on now?"

If it’s already escalated:

Repair later.

• "I'm really sorry. I got frustrated and shouted. That wasn’t helpful. Next time, let’s figure it out together."

Messy moments aren’t failures. They’re opportunities to model honesty, reconnect, and build resilience.

📍 Recap

Mistake 1: Trying to control instead of guide → Shifting to guidance builds confidence and responsibility.
Mistake 2: Reacting emotionally instead of responding calmly → Calm responses lead to better behaviour and connection.
Mistake 3: Focusing on short-term obedience instead of long-term growth → Teaching long-term skills raises capable, resilient kids.

These mistakes don’t mean you’re failing. They mean you care. They mean you’re human.

📍 Final Thoughts

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If you found it helpful, please leave a review and share it with a friend who might need a little support too.

Thank you so much for listening — and see you in the next episode.